and I’m the dad.

May 18, 2013 | 4:54pm

This is what My Little Pony dreams about, I’m sure.

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May 13, 2013 | 5:07pm

This chart has been going around again lately. It’s still a good one. I first wrote about it six months ago, and the chart predates my post quite a bit.

Major kudos to whoever came up with the original.

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Filed under: kids child children childhood toys toy gender gender norms play dads

March 24, 2013 | 6:19pm

THESE THINGS ARE ALL OVER MY HOUSE.

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Filed under: nerf bullet toy gun

March 8, 2013 | 12:13pm

[Scene: Beth, age 4, and I have been making origami paper boxes when I see her putting a rainbow frog toy in one]
Me: “Why is the frog in the box?”
Beth: “His name is Shiner. He’s been a bad frog and has to go in the box.”
Me: “Oh? What did Shiner do this time?”
Beth: “He lost his job. I gave him the job to guard my money. I gave him a flashlight. But now I can’t find my money, so… he was missing his job! And so he goes in the box!”

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December 27, 2012 | 6:33pm

[Scene:	on Christmas Eve, we are at a holiday party with other families when "Santa" shows up, calling each child by name and giving them a present. Luke, age 8, doesn't believe in Santa, but plays along.]
Santa:	"My, my, you're growing so fast! Have you been a good boy this year?"
Luke:	"Yes."
Santa:	"Here's a little something for you now." [hands him a present] "Of course, I will be coming back later tonight to bring even more presents. Is there any special toy you would like to get this year? Anything you want to find under the Christmas tree tomorrow?"
Luke:	[coolly] "A million dollars."
Santa:	[taken aback] "A million dollars?! Hmm. There isn't a favorite toy that you want to get?"
Luke:	"Nope."
Santa:	"Hmm. It might be hard to get a million dollars."
Luke:	[shrugging] "You asked."

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May 11, 2012 | 8:49am

A Rabid Reddish Baby Rabbit Named Barbie

[Scene:	Luke, age 7, and Beth, age 3, are sitting with me on Beth's bed just before bedtime. For various reasons, Beth begins hitting me in the head with a toy stuffed rabbit.]
Me:	"Beth, stop hitting me in the head. No bunny-based violence before bedtime."
Luke:	"C'mon, it's not like it has rabies."
Me:	"What if it did have rabies? Would that make it a... rabid rabbit?"
Beth:	"She's a baby rabbit!"
Me:	"She's also kind of reddish. Maybe she's a rabid reddish baby rabbit."
Luke:	"A baby rabid reddy ... rabish .... oh man."
Me:	"She needs a name that has B's and R's, too. How's this: a rabid reddish baby rabbit... named Barbie."
Luke:	"Barbie?!"
Me:	"Yeah, it's got two B's and an R. She also needs a location. Something that begins with the letter 'B'...."
Beth:	"Boston!"
Luke:	"Brooklyn!"
Me:	"Hmm... Brooklyn has an 'r' in it too... wait, how about Barbados? A rabid reddish baby rabbit, named Barbie, in Barbados?"
Beth:	"A red baby rabber ... Barbie... in ... Bargango?"
Me:	"Barbados!"
Luke:	"We need the word 'butt' in there."
Me:	"Oh please."
Luke:	"And 'bongos'."
Beth:	"Bongos that look like butt cheeks!"
Me:	"Okay. A rabid reddish baby rabbit... named Barbie... playing buttcheek bongos in Barbados! Whew. Say that five times fast."
Luke:	"I can't even say it once."
Me:	"Try it."
Luke:	"A reddish rabbit named baby Barbie... wait, what was it again?"
Me:	"A reddish rabid raby babbit... wait, no, a rabid reddy baby rabbit. Okay. Full stop. A. Rabid. Reddish. Baby. Rabbit. Named. Barbie. Playing buttcheek bongos. In Barbados."
Beth:	"I like Bargango better."
Me:	"Okay. We'll go with Bargango."
Luke:	"It should be 'buttock.' Sounds better that 'buttcheek'. Playing buttock bongos in Bargango."
Me:	"Does everything really need to be about butts?"
Luke:	"Everything already is."

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