April 10, 2013  |  4:48am
[Scene: Beth, age 4, is taking a bath with two toys -- a mermaid and a dinosaur]
Beth: [holding up dinosaur] "Daddy, make the dinosaur talk to me."
Me: "Okay." [prepares to use gravelly voice]
Dinosaur: "Hello!"
Beth: "Hello Amy!"
Me: "'Amy'? The dinosaur is a girl?"
Beth: "Of COURSE, Daddy."
Dinosaur: "What's your name, little girl?"
Beth: "My name is Beth! How are you today?"
Dinosaur: "I'm feeling a little hungry. Do you have anything to eat? How about the mermaid?"
Beth: "No, you don't want to eat the mermaid. She's a toy! She will just taste like plastic."
Dinosaur: "How about a small child? You might be yummy."
Beth: "Amy, you can't eat me. I am your owner. Toys never eat their owners. Even if they are hungry toy dinosaurs."
Dinosaur: "Hmm. Well, what am I supposed to eat? The soap? This washcloth?"
Beth: "You could eat my brother. I wouldn't miss him at all."
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April 2, 2013  |  8:30am
"I don’t think I can stop talking. Even when the rest of me is tired, my mouth never gets tired."

— Luke, age 8, in response to being asked to please stop the incessant talking for a few minutes because we were all tired from a crazy day

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March 29, 2013  |  9:50am

While waiting for the bus, Luke — now 8 years old and in third grade — mentioned that a kid at his school was constantly “humping” things. I asked if he knew what it meant. He knew it had something to do with sex, which I confirmed. This kid also talked about “teabagging,” and Luke didn’t know what that was. I told him it also had to do with sex but I wasn’t going to explain things like that at a bus stop.  Anyway, to me, questions like this confirm our decision to have the first “sex talk” with him nearly a year ago…

Luke: “And can we stop talking about sex? And petrified pee-pees?”

Me: “Yes. What would you like to talk about now?”

Luke: “Butt jokes.”

Read the whole thing here.

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Filed under: sex talk penis vagina sex talk petrified butt kids boys child children childhood parents parenting parenthood dads fathers fatherhood fathering school peers education
February 12, 2013  |  8:30am
Beth: [age 4] "Daddy, I need help. I'm really struggling with this."
Me: "Wow, that was a good use of the word 'struggling'. When did you learn that?"
Beth: "I'm not struggling with my /words/, Daddy."
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January 20, 2013  |  8:30am
"If you see me talking to myself, don’t ask. You’ll be safer that way."

— Luke, age 8

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October 21, 2012  |  8:17am
"When somebody interrupts you, it’s like they’re stealing from you. You’re talking, and everybody is giving you their attention, but then somebody else interrupts you and starts talking blah blah blah about whatever they’re saying, and they take everyone’s attention away from you. They steal it from you like a thief. They might as well be taking something right out of your hand. That’s what it feels like."

— Luke, age 8

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