October 29, 2012  |  9:44am
A pig's glooger
Me: "These are your good boots, right? They don't leak? Your feet are dry right now?"
Luke: [age 8] "My feet are as dry as a pig's glooger."
Me: "What's a glooger?"
Luke: "The dry part of a pig, obviously."
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Filed under: pig glooger dry boots rain wet water euphemism kids boys child children childhood parents parenting parenthood dads fathers fathering fatherhood obvious weather storm
May 22, 2012  |  8:53am
Princess Feeds the World
Beth: [age 3] "Let's play 'Princess Feeds the World'."
Me: "Hmm. I've never played that before. You'll have to tell me what to do."
Beth: "It's easy! You sit down in that chair and I'll stand over here. This --" [gestures to middle of the room] "-- is the world."
Me: [sits] "Okay. Now what do I do?"
Beth: "You are the Sunshine King. I am the Water Princess. So first we have fly around the world and throw seeds over the ground, like this." [tiptoes gracefully around the room, scattering imaginary seeds onto the floor]
Me: "Can I do that?"
Beth: "Open your hand. ... Here are some seeds." [drops imaginary seeds into my hand] "Now, plant them!"
Me: [attempts to imitate graceful movements around the room]
Beth: "Oh Daddy. Really. No. Not like that at all. Like THIS." [repeats what she did earlier]
Me: "I thought that's what I was doing."
Beth: "You were doing it wrong. Just sit down and let me do it."
[she continues hovering around the room, scattering seed, for a minute or two]
Beth: "Okay. Now we need to water the seeds."
Me: "Can I do that?"
Beth: "No, you are the Sunshine King. A Sunshine King cannot make rain. Only a Water Princess can make rain. Like this." [puts hands behind her back and flutters around the room, passing over the scattered imaginary seeds] "There. I watered the plants with rain."
Me: "Now what?"
Beth: "Now you shine on them."
Me: "How do I do that?"
Beth: "You're a Sunshine King! All Sunshine Kings know how to shine. Just do it!"
Me: "Okay, okay. I'll try." [I get up, put my hands out, and move around the room trying to look like I'm beaming sunrays toward the imaginary seeds]
Me: "How's that?"
Beth: "It's not bad. Do it again. They need more."
Me: [repeats]
Beth: "Stop. That's enough. Now sit down and wait with me."
Me: [sits] "How long do we have to wait?"
Beth: "Until the plants grow."
Me: "Okay. I'm going to talk a sunshine nap. You let me know when they're done." [leans back, closes eyes]
Beth: [waits a minute, then grabs my arm] "Look! They're ready!"
Me: [opens eyes] "Great! So what did we plant?"
Beth: "We have corn and tomatoes and lettuce and carrots. Now we just have to pick everything and give it to the world to eat!"
Me: "Is this enough for the whole world?"
Beth: "Of course it is! As long as you don't eat too much. Now help me pick it or you don't get any."
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Filed under: princess imagination imaginary game seed seeds plant planting harvest food world eat sunshine water rain royalty kids girls dads fathers fatherhood fathering parents parenting parenthood child children childhood
April 19, 2012  |  9:00am
Power button
Me: "It's raining again. Hmm. It's been raining on and off a lot today."
Luke: [age 7] "Yeah. I think God is just playing with the power button. He can't make up his mind about how much water we need right now."
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Filed under: rain weather power button God religion faith christianity kids boys child children childhood parents parenting parenthood fathers fathering fatherhood
February 27, 2012  |  9:00am
Raining and pouring
Luke: [age 7] "It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is pooping—"
Beth: [age 3] "No, Luke! The old man is SNORING."
Luke: "No, he's pooping. You sing in your world, I'll sing in mine!"
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Filed under: rain song singing poop snore snoring world kids siblings boys girls dads child children childhood fathers fathering fatherhood parents parenting parenthood rhymes
October 29, 2011  |  7:30am
God toots?
[Scene: Beth, age 3, has just passed gas, or "tooted" as she calls it]
Me: "Hey. What do you say after you pass gas?"
Beth: "EXCUSE ME!"
Me: "Thank you. You're excused."
Beth: "Did you know God toots?"
Me: "God? Really?"
Beth: "Yeah! He toots. He toots a LOT."
Me: "I had no idea. Does he say 'excuse me' afterwards?"
Beth: "No. He doesn't have to. He's God!"
Luke: [age 7] "Yeah, you know when God toots, because you hear thunder."
Beth: "And when he burps you see lightning!"
Luke: "And when he pees and poops, it rains and hails outside!"
Me: "Wow. I had no idea. Clearly I need to brush up on my theology and weather prediction."
Beth: "Don't worry. We can explain it to you."
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Filed under: boys child childhood children dads faith fart fatherhood fathering fathers girls god kids parenthood parenting parents pee poop rain religion theology toot weather meteorology
June 16, 2011  |  3:00pm
How we get rain
[Scene: Luke, age 5, over dinner]
Luke: “Did you know that clouds vomit?”
Me: “What? Vomit?”
Luke: “Yeah. They get so full of water that OOOOEERGH! they puke it out. That’s how we get rain. I learned it in school.”
Me: “Your teacher said the clouds vomit?”
Luke: “Well, she explained it a *little* differently, but she said the way I explained it was good enough.”
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Filed under: boys clouds dads fathers kids puke rain school teacher vomit education parents parenting parenthood child children childhood