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TwitterNature and sex and petrified penises: the first sex talk
| [Note: | This is a long one...] |
| [Scene: | Luke, age 7, is out with me for a hike through nearby fields because I'm going to give him an introductory talk about sex] |
| Luke: | "Look, Dad, deer tracks." [stops and examines them] |
| Me: | "You're right. Where are they headed?" |
| Luke: | [observing] "They look like they're coming from the house over there, and they're going toward the gully on the other side." |
| Me: | "Looks like two sets of tracks." |
| Luke: | "Yeah... but these are smaller and closer together than the other." |
| Me: | "Maybe it's a small deer? Or a fawn? It seems a little early in the year for fawns." |
| Luke: | "Maybe it's just a small deer." |
| [we resume our hike] | |
| Me: | "It is spring, though. We saw baby ducks at the pond last week, and the hatched robins' eggs in the yard, so you know baby deer aren't far off. Lots of animals have babies in the spring." |
| Luke: | "Yeah, even bugs do." |
| Me: | "Yep, even bugs." [long pause] "Do you know where baby animals come from?" |
| Luke: | "They come from mommy animals." |
| Me: | "Yes, but how does that happen?" |
| Luke: | "The mommy gets pregnant. She gets a baby growing inside her, and then the baby comes out when it's ready." |
| Me: | "Do you know how the mommy gets the baby inside her?" |
| Luke: | "It happens when she wants it to happen, right?" |
| Me: | "It's a little more complicated than that. Actually, this is something I wanted to talk to you about." |
| Luke: | "What's that?" |
| Me: | "Well, lately, I've heard you talking about things you've heard at school or seen when we're out in public. Like when you said the word 'sexy' the other day because one of your friends at school says it. Or when you were asking about the covers on magazines at the checkout, why women practically had their breasts hanging out of their clothes." |
| Luke: | [suspiciously] "Yeah...?" |
| Me: | "All of that is related to something called sex. Have you heard that word before?" |
| Luke: | "Maybe. I don't think so." |
| Me: | "Even if you haven't heard it directly, I can tell you're hearing and seeing things related to sex. And as you get older you'll be hearing a lot more about it from friends or school. That's what I want to talk to you about." |
| Luke: | "Okay. But first, let's swordfight!" |
| Me: | "Sure." |
| [Luke picks up a couple of sticks from the ground and tosses one to me. We fight until the sticks have broken] | |
| Me: | "Alright, let's keep walking." |
| Luke: | "Can I lead?" |
| Me: | "Where do you want to go?" |
| Luke: | "Let's head down to the big old tree on the other side of the field." |
| Me: | "Okay. You lead, and I'll keep talking." |
| Luke: | "You're good at that." |
| Me: | "Very funny. So look, we were talking about baby animals. When animals have babies, it's called 'reproduction'." |
| Luke: | "What does that mean?" |
| Me: | "When something reproduces, that means it makes another copy of itself. A baby deer is a new deer. A baby person is a new person. In fact, all living things reproduce. Animals, people, bugs, trees." |
| Luke: | "And flowers." |
| Me: | "Right. Everything that's alive needs to reproduce. You know when we're watching a wildlife documentary and they talk about the animals 'mating'?" |
| Luke: | "Yeah. Look over there. What's that?" |
| Me: | "What?" |
| Luke: | "There. That white thing on the ridge." [points across the field] |
| Me: | "Hmm. Hard to tell in the grass. Could be a cat." |
| Luke: | "Let's go look." |
| Me: | "Okay. So, 'mating' means that the animals are reproducing. They're making baby animals. And they do this by having sex." |
| Luke: | "Having sex?" |
| Me: | "When animals or humans make a baby, that baby isn't an exact copy of the mom, right? They look different?" |
| Luke: | "Well, they kind of look similar." |
| Me: | "But not exactly the same." |
| Luke: | "No." |
| Me: | "That's because our bodies grow according to information, kind of according to a plan, really. I think you've heard people talk about 'genes' -- that's the plan for how your body grows. Half of that plan comes from a baby's mother, but the other half comes from the baby's father. That's why you kind of look like me and kind of look like Mom. But the dad has to get his half of the information inside the mom. That's what the nature movies call 'mating', which is sex." |
| Luke: | "You mean, they get married?" |
| Me: | "Well, animals don't get married. People should get married before they have sex, but sex is an activity. It's something the mom and dad have to do together." |
| Luke: | [peering ahead] "I don't think that's a cat up there. I think it's just a piece of trash stuck in that clump of grass." |
| Me: | "You might be right. We can still head up there and see. If it's trash we can see about taking it home and putting it in the garbage can." |
| Luke: | "Okay. Can I climb up the dirt pile too?" |
| Me: | "I don't know. Last time it was covered in thornbushes." |
| Luke: | "I won't climb it if its covered in thorns." |
| Me: | "Good idea." |
| Luke: | "But we'll check on the trash first." |
| Me: | "Right. Lead on." [pause] "So, I said that sex was how the mom and dad make a baby. It's pretty straightforward. You already know what a penis is." |
| Luke: | "It's your pee-pee." |
| Me: | "It's a boy's pee-pee. Girls and women don't have a penis, though. Their pee-pee is called a vagina." |
| Luke: | "A boy's penis sticks out of his body. Girls' pee-pees don't stick out." |
| Me: | "Right, that's one major difference between boys and girls." |
| Luke: | "I've seen Beth's pee-pee before." [Beth == Luke's 3-year-old sister] |
| Me: | "Exactly. And moms and dads use them for sex. The dad puts his penis inside the mom's vagina, and puts his information inside her. That's what makes her pregnant." |
| Luke: | "Seriously?" |
| Me: | "Yeah." |
| Luke: | "They put their pee-pees together? That makes a baby?" |
| Me: | "Yeah." |
| Luke: | "So the dad pees inside the mom? Am I made out of pee?" |
| Me: | "No, not at all. During sex, pee doesn't come out of the man's penis. Instead something called 'sperm' comes out. It's white. It's got all the information that the dad has to put inside the mom. And inside the mom is her information -- it's called an 'egg' -- which gets together with the dad's sperm, and if everything works out, together they eventually turn into a baby." |
| Luke: | "Is a mom's pee-pee really big enough for that?" |
| Me: | "What do you mean?" |
| Luke: | "I mean, is it big enough for a dad's penis?" |
| Me: | "Well, a baby comes out of it, and that's a lot bigger than a penis. So yeah, it's big enough." |
| Luke: | "This doesn't sound right. I don't understand how a dad's pee-pee gets in there." |
| Me: | "Well, when a mom and dad want to have sex, the dad's penis gets hard, so he can slide it into the mom's vagina." |
| Luke: | "It gets petrified?" |
| Me: | "It gets hard, yes, though I wouldn't call it petrified. Actually it's called an erection, or sometimes a 'hard-on'." |
| Luke: | "That's crazy. Petrified pee-pees!" |
| Me: | "If you like. But that's how people have babies: the dad puts his penis --" |
| Luke: | "His /petrified/ penis!" |
| Me: | "-- his /erect/ penis -- in the mom's vagina, and sends over his sperm to team up with the mom's egg and turn into a new person. Lots of animals do this too, in one way or the other." |
| Luke: | "Dad, this is pretty disgusting." |
| Me: | "Good, keep thinking that way. But there's a couple more things you need to know about sex." |
| Luke: | "Are you almost done?" |
| Me: | "Just two more points." |
| Luke: | "Okay." |
| Me: | "So, I've explained how sex happens. But it's not just how you make babies. For grown-ups, sex also feels good. It's one way that two people show love to each other. It's really personal and private. Most sex is just because it feels good, not because people want to make a baby." |
| Luke: | "Yuck." |
| Me: | "Look, God made sex for two reasons: to make babies, and for moms and dads to help each other feel good. But it's something that needs to happen between people who are married." |
| Luke: | "Did you and Mom do this? You put your pee-pee inside Mom's pee-pee?" |
| Me: | "Yes." |
| Luke: | "That's gross." |
| Me: | "Like I said: for grown-ups, it feels good. It's one way that moms and dads show each other love." |
| Luke: | "Have you guys done this more than once?" |
| Me: | "Yeah. I mean, you know we've done it at least twice, since we have two kids, but we've had a lot more sex than that." |
| Luke: | "How long does sex take? Is it all day?" |
| Me: | "Umm, not usually. It doesn't take long." |
| Luke: | [points to the ridge we've reached] "Look, it's a plastic bag. It's not a cat." |
| Me: | "You're right." [picks it up] "Let's take it back home and put it in the trash." |
| Luke: | "Can I climb the dirt pile?" |
| Me: | "There's a lot of thornbushes on this side. But we can walk around to the other side and see if it's any clearer." |
| Luke: | "Okay." |
| Me: | "So, a few points so far: first, sex is when a man puts his penis inside a woman's vagina. This is how people make babies. It also feels good." |
| Luke: | "Are you almost done?" |
| Me: | "Almost. There's two things to remember. First, like a lot of good things, the world tries to turn sex into something it shouldn't be. Like, people thinking sex is more important than other things, or that sex is something you can do with anybody you want to, instead of keeping it between people who are married." |
| Luke: | "Like people who eat too much food or want too much money." |
| Me: | "Yeah, kind of like that. It gets out of control for some people. Or they think they need to use sex to get people to like them. So being 'sexy' is how people try to attract other people. It's like looking handsome, except it's using more private parts of your body." |
| Luke: | "So people want to look like they want sex?" |
| Me: | "Yes." |
| Luke: | "But do they /really/ want sex?" |
| Me: | "Sometimes." |
| Luke: | "That's really weird." |
| Me: | "And there are other people who act like sex is bad, when it's not." |
| Luke: | "It sounds pretty bad to me." |
| Me: | "One more point. Penises and vaginas are the parts of your body you use for peeing, and also sex. A women's breasts are also for sex, not just for feeding babies. All these body parts need to be kept private. They're not for touching, or letting other people touch, or make jokes about." |
| Luke: | "Boobs are part of sex?" |
| Me: | "Yes. And they're private. Last week you grabbed [J...]'s breast when you were playing. Don't do that. Breasts are private in the same way that penises are private." |
| Luke: | "Can I climb the dirt pile? There's no thorns on this side." |
| Me: | "Sure, just be careful." |
| Luke: | [climbs pile] "Does Mom know you're talking to me about sex?" |
| Me: | "Yes, she knows. She and I talked about how we would talk to you. So, just to repeat the major points: sex is when a man puts his penis inside of a woman. This is so they can reproduce -- make a baby -- or to feel good. Also, this is a personal thing, a special thing, and should be between people who are married. That's the way God designed sex, and that's the way it works best. It's supposed to be sacred. And finally, the parts of the body like penises or vaginas or breasts are part of sex, and are really private parts of your body. Nobody should be touching them, and you shouldn't be touching other people's." |
| Luke: | "So you only have sex in private? Do people ever have sex where other people can watch them?" |
| Me: | "If they do, that would be a good example of people doing something wrong with sex." |
| Luke: | "That would be weird. Like: 'Look at me! I have a petrified pee-pee!'" |
| Me: | "Do you have any other questions?" |
| Luke: | [sliding down dirt hill] "No." |
| Me: | "Well, if you ever have any questions about sex, or things you hear or see, just ask me or Mom. We'll always answer any question you may have. And trust me: you will hear more about sex as you get older." |
| Luke: | "Can we go home now?" [brushes pants off] "I'm getting hungry." |
| Me: | "Sure." |
| Luke: | [starts walking back with me] "And can we stop talking about sex? And petrified pee-pees?" |
| Me: | "Yes. What would you like to talk about now?" |
| Luke: | "Butt jokes." |
| --- : | --- |
| [Note: | This was just an introduction to sex for an audience of one seven-year-old boy. I didn't get into topics like contraception, STIs, pornography, homosexuality, etc. I may have missed writing down a couple details in the conversation, but this is most of it. Of course, you are free to disagree with my approach, but the main thing is: in your own way, please talk to your own kids about sex, before somebody else does.] |
URL: http://tmblr.co/ZJZiexKgevyI
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