Dad, you're talking too much.
Beth: [age 4] "Dad, you're talking too much."
Me: "Really? I'm sorry."
Beth: "Let's play a game. Can you say 'zebra hat'?"
Me: "Zebra hat."
Beth: "Good. Can you say 'cupcake fairy'?"
Me: "Cupcake fairy."
Beth: "Can you say 'fans are always spinning'?"
Me: "Fans are always spinning."
Beth: "Okay. Can you say 'octopus cakes'?"
Me: "Octopus cakes."
Beth: "Now, can you say nothing?"
Me: "Nothing."
Beth: "No, I mean: can you not say anything?"
Me: "Oh, I see what you mean."
Beth: "Can you say nothing?"
Me: ----
Beth: "Good. Now stay just like that."
Zebra
Mom: "Okay, it's my turn. I'm thinking of an animal that is black and white with a stripe."
Beth: [age 4] "Hmm... is it a zebra?"
Mom: "No, smaller than a zebra."
Beth: "A baby zebra?"
Princess Feeds the World
Beth: [age 3] "Let's play 'Princess Feeds the World'."
Me: "Hmm. I've never played that before. You'll have to tell me what to do."
Beth: "It's easy! You sit down in that chair and I'll stand over here. This --" [gestures to middle of the room] "-- is the world."
Me: [sits] "Okay. Now what do I do?"
Beth: "You are the Sunshine King. I am the Water Princess. So first we have fly around the world and throw seeds over the ground, like this." [tiptoes gracefully around the room, scattering imaginary seeds onto the floor]
Me: "Can I do that?"
Beth: "Open your hand. ... Here are some seeds." [drops imaginary seeds into my hand] "Now, plant them!"
Me: [attempts to imitate graceful movements around the room]
Beth: "Oh Daddy. Really. No. Not like that at all. Like THIS." [repeats what she did earlier]
Me: "I thought that's what I was doing."
Beth: "You were doing it wrong. Just sit down and let me do it."
[she continues hovering around the room, scattering seed, for a minute or two]
Beth: "Okay. Now we need to water the seeds."
Me: "Can I do that?"
Beth: "No, you are the Sunshine King. A Sunshine King cannot make rain. Only a Water Princess can make rain. Like this." [puts hands behind her back and flutters around the room, passing over the scattered imaginary seeds] "There. I watered the plants with rain."
Me: "Now what?"
Beth: "Now you shine on them."
Me: "How do I do that?"
Beth: "You're a Sunshine King! All Sunshine Kings know how to shine. Just do it!"
Me: "Okay, okay. I'll try." [I get up, put my hands out, and move around the room trying to look like I'm beaming sunrays toward the imaginary seeds]
Me: "How's that?"
Beth: "It's not bad. Do it again. They need more."
Me: [repeats]
Beth: "Stop. That's enough. Now sit down and wait with me."
Me: [sits] "How long do we have to wait?"
Beth: "Until the plants grow."
Me: "Okay. I'm going to talk a sunshine nap. You let me know when they're done." [leans back, closes eyes]
Beth: [waits a minute, then grabs my arm] "Look! They're ready!"
Me: [opens eyes] "Great! So what did we plant?"
Beth: "We have corn and tomatoes and lettuce and carrots. Now we just have to pick everything and give it to the world to eat!"
Me: "Is this enough for the whole world?"
Beth: "Of course it is! As long as you don't eat too much. Now help me pick it or you don't get any."
Making rainbows
[Scene: Beth, age 3, is slowly moving about the room, holding a magic wand in one hand and making large, sweeping gestures with her arms; then Luke, age 7, charges into the room with a pair of toy swords]
Luke: "Beth! C'mon, let's swordfight!"
Beth: "No, Luke. I am making rainbows right now."
Luke: "Well, hurry up. I want to fight."
Beth: "We can fight when I'm done making rainbows."
Luke: "Fine. You have two minutes! That's all!"
Beth: "No, Luke! I need more than two minutes. You can't rush the rainbows!"
That's not crazy
Luke: [age 7] "You know, my friend [E...] has like 25 Skylanders figures. His parents buy them for him whenever he wants one. He's beat the whole game by now."
Me: "Wow. That's crazy!"
Luke: "That's not crazy. Crazy would be putting a pair of underwear on your head and strapping a stink-powered jetpack to your butt, and then every time you farted, flying through the air singing 'Smushy, smushy, kiss my tushy!'. THAT would be crazy. But owning 25 Skylanders? That's just cool."
The Super Bowl
Me: "Let's watch the Super Bowl."
Luke: [age 7] "Nah. I'm not really interested. I like playing football, but not watching it."
Me: "What? I thought you were rooting for the Patriots."
Luke: "Yeah, but not enough to watch the game."