April 24, 2013  |  8:30am
[Scene: Luke, age 8, is sitting next to Beth, age 4, who is wearing a bandage around the wrist she sprained a day earlier]
Luke: "I guess I should take it easy on you, because you hurt your hand."
Beth: "I didn't hurt MY FIGHTING HAND!" [punches Luke in the stomach with her good hand]
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Filed under: punch fist sprain fight fighting kids child children childhood siblings play dads fathers fathering fatherhood parents parenting parenthood brother sister
February 20, 2013  |  8:30am
We own a lot of Nerf foam weapons, including the N-Force Vendetta Sword and Battlemaster Mace Axe. These are the actual CYA warnings printed on them. Yes: here’s a sword, kid, but don’t play with it like a sword. Thanks Nerf. If you made candy, you’d tell kids not to eat it. We have identified a loophole, however: the warning says nothing about throwing the weapons at people. Should I call a lawyer?

We own a lot of Nerf foam weapons, including the N-Force Vendetta Sword and Battlemaster Mace Axe. These are the actual CYA warnings printed on them. Yes: here’s a sword, kid, but don’t play with it like a sword. Thanks Nerf. If you made candy, you’d tell kids not to eat it.

We have identified a loophole, however: the warning says nothing about throwing the weapons at people. Should I call a lawyer?

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Filed under: kids parents nerf sword battleaxe battle fighting fight play child children childhood parenting parenthood dads fathers fathering CYA legal warning
July 31, 2012  |  9:20am
Your side of the car
[Scene: I'm driving while the kids are fighting in the back seat]
Me: "Luke, keep your hands on /your/ side of the car!"
Luke: "Yeah? Then she has to keep /her/ hands on /her/ side!"
Me: "Yes, that's true. Beth, keep your hands on your side of the car too."
Luke: [to Beth] "See?"
Beth: "But, Daddy, his /voice/ is still on my side!"
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Filed under: car auto ride back seat kids fighting siblings brothers sisters dads fathers fathering fatherhood parents parenting parenthood child children childhood voice hands
June 22, 2012  |  8:52am
"War would be a lot cooler if instead of fighting, everybody took naps. You just brought out your beach towels and everyone laid down in the field and took naps. And if they had to shoot each other, they could use squirt guns. That would be a lot better than everyone dying."

— Luke, age 7

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Filed under: war die dying fighting naps squirt gun guns kids boys dads fathers fathering parents parenthood parenting child children childhood towel beach
June 8, 2012  |  8:59am
Addictive bomb
Luke: [age 7] "It would be cool to have an addictive bomb."
Me: "An 'addictive' bomb? What do you mean?"
Luke: "It's a bomb that blows up and makes the bad guys all come to that spot because they're addicted to it and want another addictive bomb. But then you drop a real bomb on them and kill them while they're standing there. So the addictive bomb makes it easier to hit them all."
Me: "I'm sure the military would love that idea."
Luke: "The military? I'm talking about video games!"
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Filed under: military video games weapons weapon bombs fighting gaming kids boys child children childhood parents parenting parenthood fathers fathering fatherhood dads
October 26, 2011  |  8:31am
Stop fighting!
[Scene: Beth, age 3, is engaged in a mock sword battle with Luke, age 7, against me]
Beth: "Everybody needs to stop fighting right now!"
Me: "What?"
Beth: [shouting] "STOP FIGHTING NOW!!!"
[Luke and I stop]
Me: "What's wrong?"
Beth: [gestures around at the trees and sky] "It is time to stop fighting so we can look at the birds and the sunshine!"
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Filed under: fighting fight sibling birds sunshine nature kids boys girls dads fathers fathering fatherhood parents parenting parenthood child children childhood outdoor noodle stop play