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— Luke, age 8
If we could teach math via fart jokes, my 8-year-old would already be studying advanced calculus.
Luke. Farts. Inappropriate conversation over dinner.
| [Scene: | Luke, age 7, is making farting noises] |
| Me: | "Will you please stop making those noises?" |
| Luke: | "Why?" |
| Me: | "It's gross, and it's really loud." |
| Luke: | "But it's Mother's Day." |
| Me: | "What does /that/ have to do with it?!" |
| Luke: | "It's a holiday. That means I get to celebrate. And this is how I want to." |
| Me: | "You're going to be celebrating in your room by yourself if you keep this up. Not exactly what you want to be doing on Mother's Day." |
| Luke: | "Just one more?" |
| Me: | "One more." |
| Luke: | [does it] |
| Me: | "Okay, that's all for today." |
| Luke: | "I can't promise that. I might feel like celebrating again later." |
| Beth: | [age 3] "My hands are magic. I can do magic things with them." |
| Luke: | [age 7] "Oh yeah? Is your butt magic too? Do you have magic pixie dust farts?" |
| Beth: | "No, Luke. Fairies don't fart." |
| Luke: | "Do you pee rainbows? Do you poop rose petals?" |
| Beth: | "No! None of that! Fairies don't do any of that! And if you don't stop it, I'm going to kick you with my magic foot!" |
| Luke: | [age 7] "Me and [L...] were talking on the bus and thought it would be really funny if instead of a /bus/ driver we had a /butt/ driver. So instead of a big yellow van, we all had to ride around in the crack of a giant rubber butt with wheels. You'd have to grab some toilet paper when you climbed on just so you'd have something clean to sit on. And instead of a horn, the butt driver would have a giant fart button. You'd have to pick your seat carefully so you weren't too close to the fart, or it would shoot you right out of the butt bus." |
| Me: | "That's pretty gross." |
| Luke: | "Yeah, but it's funny." |
| Me: | "Did you talk about anything else on the bus?" |
| Luke: | "No. It's pretty much butts, butts, butts all day long." |
