January 12, 2013  |  8:30am
Beth, age 4, tells me that Cat In the Hat and Bessie the Bunny are getting married today. It will be a small, private ceremony. I believe the only ones invited are Beth, myself, and a few close friends: Big Dog, Little Dog, Juju the Snow Monkey, Spotlock the Mouse, Prancer the Ginger Cat, and possibly Arrow the Chameleon. No word yet on the happy couple’s intentions regarding honeymoons, housing, children, joint checking accounts, and so on. I expect they will be able to live quite comfortably off of Cat’s television appearances and Bessie’s modeling career.

Beth, age 4, tells me that Cat In the Hat and Bessie the Bunny are getting married today. It will be a small, private ceremony. I believe the only ones invited are Beth, myself, and a few close friends: Big Dog, Little Dog, Juju the Snow Monkey, Spotlock the Mouse, Prancer the Ginger Cat, and possibly Arrow the Chameleon.

No word yet on the happy couple’s intentions regarding honeymoons, housing, children, joint checking accounts, and so on. I expect they will be able to live quite comfortably off of Cat’s television appearances and Bessie’s modeling career.

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November 12, 2012  |  1:08pm

It’s a sunny but cool day off with the kids. A good day for baking and hiking. The kids couldn’t agree between making monkey bread or making rice pudding, so we’re doing both. After that, it’s time for a hike with the dog.

Do you have the day off with your kids? What are you doing?

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Filed under: holiday bake baking rice pudding monkey beead sunny hike dog kids dads
August 22, 2012  |  8:57am
Luke intentionally dumped a bottle of “fairy dust” sparkle makeup on his own head and then danced around the room maniacally. This photo does not convey the true amount of glitter that was in his hair — not to mention his neck, shoulders, and torso. It looked like somebody hit him with a magic wand. And he left a trail of glitter around the house wherever he went. Later, the dog licked sparkles off the floor and then threw up under the kitchen table. If you have ever wondered whether dog vomit could be improved upon by the addition of glitter, I can conclusively tell you: no.

Luke intentionally dumped a bottle of “fairy dust” sparkle makeup on his own head and then danced around the room maniacally. This photo does not convey the true amount of glitter that was in his hair — not to mention his neck, shoulders, and torso. It looked like somebody hit him with a magic wand. And he left a trail of glitter around the house wherever he went.

Later, the dog licked sparkles off the floor and then threw up under the kitchen table. If you have ever wondered whether dog vomit could be improved upon by the addition of glitter, I can conclusively tell you: no.

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November 16, 2011  |  8:36am
Photo: pizza we made for dinner recently [Scene: Luke, age 7, and Beth, age 3, are standing by while I’m taking homemade pizza out of the oven for dinner; see picture above of the actual pizza] Me: “What do you think? Did I put enough pepperoni on it?” Luke: “Well, it’s a lot, but I don’t think it’s a world record or anything.” Me: “I wonder if there is a world record for pepperoni.  There might be.” Luke: “There’s a world record for everything. There’s probably a world record for dog poop on pizza.” Me: “That’s disgusting.” Beth: “Yuck! Nobody would eat that.” Luke: “I bet the dog would.”

Photo: pizza we made for dinner recently

[Scene: Luke, age 7, and Beth, age 3, are standing by while I’m taking homemade pizza out of the oven for dinner; see picture above of the actual pizza]

Me: “What do you think? Did I put enough pepperoni on it?”

Luke: “Well, it’s a lot, but I don’t think it’s a world record or anything.”

Me: “I wonder if there is a world record for pepperoni.  There might be.”

Luke: “There’s a world record for everything. There’s probably a world record for dog poop on pizza.”

Me: “That’s disgusting.”

Beth: “Yuck! Nobody would eat that.”

Luke: “I bet the dog would.”

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July 30, 2011  |  2:31pm
Do what I want with it
[Scene: Luke, age 6, has just entered the kitchen for breakfast]
Luke: "Look, Dad!"
Me: "Oh please. Pull up your pants."
Luke: "It's my penis. I can do what I want with it."
Me: "That is not true."
Luke: "Whaddya mean? It _is_ mine."
Me: "Yeah, but like every other part of your body, there are good things and bad things you can do with it. In this case, showing your penis to everyone is bad. It's obscene."
Luke: "But the dog walks around with his penis hanging out."
Me: "The dog does not wear pants."
Luke: "He could."
Me: "Pull up your pants now before you get into trouble."
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July 19, 2011  |  3:05pm
Genderkind
[Scene: Luke, age 6, is looking over my shoulder while I'm working]
Luke: [pointing] "How do you say that word?"
Me: "Gender."
Luke: "What does that mean?"
Me: "It's one way of describing what kind of person you are. Your gender is 'boy'. So is mine. But your sister and Mom are 'girl'."
Luke: "Like when they say 'mankind'. Or they could say 'girlkind'. But then maybe they should say 'boykind' instead."
Me: "Or just 'people'."
Luke: "Yeah. But not including the dog. His gender is just 'boy.'"
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