May 11, 2012  |  8:49am
A Rabid Reddish Baby Rabbit Named Barbie
[Scene: Luke, age 7, and Beth, age 3, are sitting with me on Beth's bed just before bedtime. For various reasons, Beth begins hitting me in the head with a toy stuffed rabbit.]
Me: "Beth, stop hitting me in the head. No bunny-based violence before bedtime."
Luke: "C'mon, it's not like it has rabies."
Me: "What if it did have rabies? Would that make it a... rabid rabbit?"
Beth: "She's a baby rabbit!"
Me: "She's also kind of reddish. Maybe she's a rabid reddish baby rabbit."
Luke: "A baby rabid reddy ... rabish .... oh man."
Me: "She needs a name that has B's and R's, too. How's this: a rabid reddish baby rabbit... named Barbie."
Luke: "Barbie?!"
Me: "Yeah, it's got two B's and an R. She also needs a location. Something that begins with the letter 'B'...."
Beth: "Boston!"
Luke: "Brooklyn!"
Me: "Hmm... Brooklyn has an 'r' in it too... wait, how about Barbados? A rabid reddish baby rabbit, named Barbie, in Barbados?"
Beth: "A red baby rabber ... Barbie... in ... Bargango?"
Me: "Barbados!"
Luke: "We need the word 'butt' in there."
Me: "Oh please."
Luke: "And 'bongos'."
Beth: "Bongos that look like butt cheeks!"
Me: "Okay. A rabid reddish baby rabbit... named Barbie... playing buttcheek bongos in Barbados! Whew. Say that five times fast."
Luke: "I can't even say it once."
Me: "Try it."
Luke: "A reddish rabbit named baby Barbie... wait, what was it again?"
Me: "A reddish rabid raby babbit... wait, no, a rabid reddy baby rabbit. Okay. Full stop. A. Rabid. Reddish. Baby. Rabbit. Named. Barbie. Playing buttcheek bongos. In Barbados."
Beth: "I like Bargango better."
Me: "Okay. We'll go with Bargango."
Luke: "It should be 'buttock.' Sounds better that 'buttcheek'. Playing buttock bongos in Bargango."
Me: "Does everything really need to be about butts?"
Luke: "Everything already is."
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Filed under: tongue twister saying rabbit bunny toy rabid rabies baby barbados red bongo bongos butt buttcheek buttock kids boys child children childhood girls dads fathers fathering fatherhood parents parenting parenthood language speaking
February 18, 2012  |  9:00am
Playgrounds
Luke: [age 7] "You know my friend [P...] at school? He had this really stupid idea for the playgrounds."
Me: "Oh? I'm guessing you want to tell us about it."
Luke: "Yeah. So, you know how we have two playgrounds, one at each end of the school? At the lower playground, [P...] thinks we should put in a water fountain in the shape of a giant penis. It would be huge, spraying water all around. And there would be lights shining on it so you could still enjoy it at night."
Me: "I'm not sure 'enjoy' is the right word."
Luke: "And the upper playground would have these giant rubber buttcheeks sticking out of the ground that you could bounce on, and a moving platform that you could climb on and ride around, in the shape of a giant piece of poop."
Mom: "Oh please. That is so gross. You are SUCH a seven-year-old boy!"
Luke: "Hey, it was [P...]'s idea!"
Me: "Hmm. Are you sure he thought of this all by himself?"
Luke: "Well... I helped a little!"
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Filed under: playground playgrounds school education penis butt buttcheek fountain water lights boys kids play child children childhood parents parenting parenthood fathers fathering fatherhood thought imagination ugprade