More U.S. Children Being Diagnosed With Youthful Tendency Disorder

CHICKEN BUTT!

While waiting for the bus, Luke — now 8 years old and in third grade — mentioned that a kid at his school was constantly “humping” things. I asked if he knew what it meant. He knew it had something to do with sex, which I confirmed. This kid also talked about “teabagging,” and Luke didn’t know what that was. I told him it also had to do with sex but I wasn’t going to explain things like that at a bus stop.  Anyway, to me, questions like this confirm our decision to have the first “sex talk” with him nearly a year ago…

Luke: “And can we stop talking about sex? And petrified pee-pees?”

Me: “Yes. What would you like to talk about now?”

Luke: “Butt jokes.”

Read the whole thing here.

Luke, the 8-year-old, has been having intestinal issues lately. We’ve tried different things, but now I’m thinking of a new book series… first one to be called, “If You Give Your Son a Suppository.”

I don’t want to give away the ending but he doesn’t ask for another.

"I wonder if anyone could go a whole day without farting. I don’t think so. They would need a superpower to do that, some kind of amazing superhuman control over their butt. I definitely couldn’t do it."

— Luke, age 8

Songs of the Boy, Part 8

More lines from Luke’s improvised singing:

  • Welcome to the Buttcheek Rodeo / Hang on and watch out!
  • Polly ain’t getting a waffle from Daddy today!
  • A billion barnacle buckteeth can’t be wrong.
  • Once when I was a child / There was poop on the ceiling.

Past lyrics from Luke: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7.

For songs from Beth, see 1, 2, and this Thanksgiving thing.

Also, inexplicably, this.

Growth spurt
Me: "Why are your pants halfway down your butt?"
Luke: [age 8] "I had a growth spurt. It was really fast. I grew right out of my pants!"