While waiting for the bus, Luke — now 8 years old and in third grade — mentioned that a kid at his school was constantly “humping” things. I asked if he knew what it meant. He knew it had something to do with sex, which I confirmed. This kid also talked about “teabagging,” and Luke didn’t know what that was. I told him it also had to do with sex but I wasn’t going to explain things like that at a bus stop. Anyway, to me, questions like this confirm our decision to have the first “sex talk” with him nearly a year ago…
Luke: “And can we stop talking about sex? And petrified pee-pees?”
Me: “Yes. What would you like to talk about now?”
Luke: “Butt jokes.”
Read the whole thing here.
Luke, the 8-year-old, has been having intestinal issues lately. We’ve tried different things, but now I’m thinking of a new book series… first one to be called, “If You Give Your Son a Suppository.”
I don’t want to give away the ending but he doesn’t ask for another.
— Luke, age 8
More lines from Luke’s improvised singing:
- Welcome to the Buttcheek Rodeo / Hang on and watch out!
- Polly ain’t getting a waffle from Daddy today!
- A billion barnacle buckteeth can’t be wrong.
- Once when I was a child / There was poop on the ceiling.
Also, inexplicably, this.