and I’m the dad.

Beth:	[age 4] "I think you're trying to trick me."
Luke:	[age 8] "Me? Why would I try to trick you?"
Beth:	"Because you're Luke."
Luke:	"I'm your brother! I would never try to trick you."
Beth:	"Oh yes you would."
Luke:	"Have I ever tried to trick you before?"
Beth:	"Yes. A lot."
Luke:	"I can't believe you are telling me this. This really hurts my feelings."
Beth:	"I'm just telling the truth."
Luke:	"I can't believe you don't trust me. Mom, did your brother ever try to trick you when you were kids?"
Mom:	"Yes, all the time."
Luke:	"YOU ARE NOT HELPING."
Beth:	"You're a tricky one, mister!"

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Spike Cannon, Part 2

Beth:	[age 4] "Remember, I'm Spike Cannon, the superhero!"
Mom:	"What does Spike Cannon wear?"
Beth:	"She has a cape that is brown and blue, and she has black hair."
Luke:	[age 7] "Does she wear anything else besides a cape? Or is she a naked superhero?"
Beth:	"She's not naked! But her cape is sparkly. She has a dress with all these fire decorations and power decorations on it. And a hat."
Mom:	"What kind of hat?"
Beth:	"It's like that hat you wear to the beach..."
Mom:	"A sun hat?"
Beth:	"Yes! A sun hat. But it has fire decorations and sparkles."
Luke:	"Does she wear boots?"
Beth:	"She doesn't wear boots. She wears a special kind of shoes that I made up. I can fly with them. They have fire wings this wide." [stretches hands out] "She also wears pants. And socks! I almost forgot socks."
Mom:	"You can fly?!"
Beth:	"Yes. I'll show you sometime. But not today."

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Oh Yes I Would!

[Scene:	Beth, age 4, is breathlessly chasing Luke, age 7, around the house]
Luke:	"Stop, Beth! I said STOP!"
Me:	"Beth, I heard him say 'stop'. You should stop before somebody gets into trouble. Now, why are you chasing him?"
Luke:	"She's trying to pull down my shorts!"
Mom:	"Really? Beth wouldn't do that, would she?"
Beth:	[snappily] "OH YES I WOULD!!!"

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Your side of the car

[Scene:	I'm driving while the kids are fighting in the back seat]
Me:	"Luke, keep your hands on /your/ side of the car!"
Luke:	"Yeah? Then she has to keep /her/ hands on /her/ side!"
Me:	"Yes, that's true. Beth, keep your hands on your side of the car too."
Luke:	[to Beth] "See?"
Beth:	"But, Daddy, his /voice/ is still on my side!"

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That part just grows back

[Scene:	Luke and Beth, ages 7 and 4, have recently been engaged in a dramatic argument involving a lot of shouting and crying]
Me:	"Good heavens! Sometimes I wish I could open up your heads and remove whatever part of your brain makes you irritate each other."
Luke:	"It's no use, Dad. That part just grows back."

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Making rainbows

[Scene:	Beth, age 3, is slowly moving about the room, holding a magic wand in one hand and making large, sweeping gestures with her arms; then Luke, age 7, charges into the room with a pair of toy swords]
Luke:	"Beth! C'mon, let's swordfight!"
Beth:	"No, Luke. I am making rainbows right now."
Luke:	"Well, hurry up. I want to fight."
Beth:	"We can fight when I'm done making rainbows."
Luke:	"Fine. You have two minutes! That's all!"
Beth:	"No, Luke! I need more than two minutes. You can't rush the rainbows!"

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