January 17, 2013  |  8:30am
[Scene: I've opened the bathroom door to investigate thumping and banging noises]
Me: "What are you doing in here?"
Luke: [age 8, on the toilet, innocently] "What do you mean?"
Me: "Well, why are you banging on the wall? Is everything alright?"
Luke: "Yeah. I'm just doing my spy stuff."
Me: "Your spy stuff involves banging on the wall?"
Luke: "Yeah, you know, like this." [demonstrates swift leg and arm movements which sometimes hit the wall] "When I sit on the toilet, I pretend I am on a spy mission. I am fighting off bad guys."
Me: "Ah, so you're doing kung fu on the toilet."
Luke: "It's not Kung Fu -- it's Potty Fu!"
Me: "Or Kung Poo."
Luke: "THAT'S IT!" [does a swift kick to the wall]
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November 25, 2012  |  9:00am
It's a Small World After All
[Scene: Luke, age 8, is sitting on the toilet singing "It's a Small World After All" at the top of his lungs]
Me: [knocking on bathroom door] "Could you quiet down a little?"
Luke: "But I'm singing!"
Me: "Yeah, everyone can hear you, even upstairs."
Luke: "No, I'm singing about my poop! I'm constipated and it's all coming out small!" [launches into a new round of the song]
Me: "Um. Could you just sing a little more quietly, please."
Luke: "But it helps me go! Come on, sing with me!"
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November 8, 2012  |  9:00am
Spy on a mission
Me: "Where have you been?"
Luke: [age 8] "I was in the bathroom."
Me: "You were gone awhile. Is everything okay?"
Luke: "Yeah. I was using the toilet. Also I was in there pretending I was a spy on a mission."
Me: "Ummm... what kind of mission were you on in the bathroom?"
Luke: "I don't think you want to know."
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October 16, 2012  |  9:23am
All Hail the Programmable Coffee Pot! Around the time Luke’s new school year started, he also started dealing with some anxiety issues (new school, new teacher, new bus).  My wife’s work schedule also changed. Between all that, mornings started getting really chaotic and stressful. We finally came to the conclusion that the only solution was to get up earlier. Starting this week, I’m up at 5am to make sure I have enough time to work out, pray/meditate, make two lunches (for the boy and the wife), make breakfast, give Luke enough time to use the bathroom (which seems to take 20-30 minutes lately) and still get him on the bus before 8am — without having to rush anything. Rushing sucks. So, yeah, I prep the coffee pot at night and then wake up to fresh coffee. I know it’s maybe 50¢ worth of electronics that makes the magic happen, but at 5am, it does feel like magic. Incidentally, Beth was supposed to start pre-K this year, but the school overbooked, so she spends most days with her grandparents while I’m working my 9-5. What’s your morning routine like?

All Hail the Programmable Coffee Pot!

Around the time Luke’s new school year started, he also started dealing with some anxiety issues (new school, new teacher, new bus).  My wife’s work schedule also changed. Between all that, mornings started getting really chaotic and stressful. We finally came to the conclusion that the only solution was to get up earlier. Starting this week, I’m up at 5am to make sure I have enough time to work out, pray/meditate, make two lunches (for the boy and the wife), make breakfast, give Luke enough time to use the bathroom (which seems to take 20-30 minutes lately) and still get him on the bus before 8am — without having to rush anything. Rushing sucks.

So, yeah, I prep the coffee pot at night and then wake up to fresh coffee. I know it’s maybe 50¢ worth of electronics that makes the magic happen, but at 5am, it does feel like magic.

Incidentally, Beth was supposed to start pre-K this year, but the school overbooked, so she spends most days with her grandparents while I’m working my 9-5.

What’s your morning routine like?

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Filed under: morning coffee coffee pot rushing routine bus kids school child children childhood dads fathers fathering fatherhood boys girls bathroom parents parenting parenthood photo electronics
October 12, 2012  |  8:47am

Beth, age 4, drew these maps with Tux Paint. You may need to be a superhero to decode them, but I have it on good authority that these maps will tell me how to get to:

  • The ocean
  • The mountains
  • New York City
  • Australia
  • The moon
  • That Chinese restaurant
  • Gymnastics class
  • Penguins
  • The airport
  • The bathroom

If you can’t see these things then I’m afraid you are beyond help.

(Maybe Apple should hire her for the next iOS upgrade.)

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August 3, 2012  |  8:47am

Luke, age 7, inexplicably left this little folded note for my wife.

If you can’t read it, the interior says, “I am a long time in the bathroom”. 

Sorry, kid, that isn’t news.

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