April 22, 2013  |  9:32am
Me: "When I go to work this morning, you're going to hang out with Grandpa."
Beth: [age 4] "Oh man."
Me: [innocently] "Yes, Grandpa is a man."
Beth: "That's not the kind of man I mean."
Me: "What do you mean? A short man? Tall man? Skinny man? Superman?"
Beth: [giggling] "No, I mean 'oh man'!"
Me: "Oman? That's a country in the Middle East. You've never been there."
Beth: "No. I mean OH! MAN!"
Me: "O-Man? I get it now. Like L-Man, M-Man, N-Man, O-Man! The Alphabet Men!"
Beth: "That is not what I mean!"
Me: [singing] "A-B-C-D-E-F-G, H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-Man!"
Beth: "I DO NOT MEAN THAT AT ALL! Daddy, you are weird and silly!"
Me: "Yes, that's true."
Beth: "Let's have this conversation all over again! ... Oh man."
Me: "Yes, Grandpa is a man."
[repeat from the beginning, almost verbatim... five times]
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Filed under: man men grandpa alphabet girls dads fathers fathering fatherhood parents parenting parenthood child children childhood oh man grandparents weird silly
January 13, 2013  |  8:30am

Luke, age 8, was in complete shock and hysterics last night after my wife and I demonstrated our individual abilities to burp on command while reciting the alphabet. It just totally blew his mind.

Hey, at least we learned SOMETHING in college.

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Filed under: belch alphabet burp shock college burping belching child children childhood boys kids dads fathers fathering fatherhood parents parenting parenthood mothers moms mothering motherhood
July 13, 2012  |  8:55am
“It’s a Letter Gun. It only shoots letters. In fact, it only shoots letters that are supposed to be used in action words… You see the lightning flash? It just shot an ‘F’ at the horse.” — Luke, age 7, arranging magnets on the fridge

“It’s a Letter Gun. It only shoots letters. In fact, it only shoots letters that are supposed to be used in action words… You see the lightning flash? It just shot an ‘F’ at the horse.”

— Luke, age 7, arranging magnets on the fridge

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Filed under: alphabet boys child childhood children dads fatherhood fathering fathers fridge gun guns kids letter letters magnets parenthood parenting parents refrigerator shoot shooting type typography
July 1, 2012  |  8:52am
The Letter B
Beth: [age 4, while riding in the car] "I need a tissue! I need a tissue!"
Me: "Just a moment, I'll get you one."
Beth: "Oh! I don't need it. I don't have the booger any more."
Me: "Where did the booger go?"
Beth: "It's on the window. Look, I made the letter B!"
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Filed under: kids child children childhood parents parenting parenthood fathers fathering fatherhood dads boogers nose tissue car window alphabet letter B cars
January 19, 2012  |  11:00am
General Tso's Butt
Luke: [age 7] "I still think we could get rid of the letter 'c'. We can just have 's' and 'k'."
Mom: "That's fine for the long-s and hard-k sounds, but what about the 'ch' sound? If you take out the 'c' then 'chicken' becomes 'hicken'."
Luke: "Oh wow. And 'choo choo' becomes 'hoo hoo'."
Me: "And 'chair' turns into 'hair'."
Luke: "'Chocolate' becomes 'hocolate'."
Me: "Your cheeks would turn into 'heeks'."
Luke: "And Chinese food would turn into 'hinese' food! Hineys!? That means butts! Hey, anybody want to eat General Tso's butt?"
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Filed under: alphabet letters lettering c ch sound spelling literary chinese chicken kids child children childhood boys dads fathers fathering fatherhood parents parenting parenthood eat
December 5, 2011  |  12:25pm
Too many letters in the alphabet.
Luke: [age 7] "There are too many letters in the alphabet. I don't understand why we need S when we can use a C to make the same sound. And C can also make the same sound as a K. I think we could save some time if we just stopped using S and K and changed those words to use a C instead."
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Filed under: alphabet oneliner learning letters spelling spell class education kids child children childhood parents parenting parenthood dads fathers fatherhood fathering