February 2012
32 posts
21 tags
Need, want
Luke: [age 7] "I need more Skylanders."
Me: "I think you've got enough. You might /want/ more but you don't /need/ more."
Luke: "Come on, Dad. It's the 'need' kind of want, you know what I mean?"
19 tags
Justin Beaver
Mom: "What's the name of that nature documentary about beavers?"
Me: "I think it's just called 'Beavers'."
Luke: [age 7] "Maybe it's called 'Justin Beaver'. Like the musician."
Me: "You mean Justin Bieber?"
Luke: "Yeah. When I first heard his name, I thought everyone was saying 'Beaver' instead of 'Bieber,' so that's what I still call him."
22 tags
Raining and pouring
Luke: [age 7] "It's raining, it's pouring, the old man is pooping—"
Beth: [age 3] "No, Luke! The old man is SNORING."
Luke: "No, he's pooping. You sing in your world, I'll sing in mine!"
22 tags
Re: Praying
thesassyprince replied to your chat: Praying
can you say what childs version [of the Bible] it is? I’d love one for Micah and….well it’s hard to make the right choice. More like I get overwhelmed and don’t get one
I agree, there are way too many choices out there. We have two versions which we’ve read for both kids: the Candle version and the Beginner’s Bible. The Candle version...
20 tags
Magic princess power
Beth: [age 3] "Mommy, my magic princess power made that elevator door open."
Mom: "Really? That's cool."
: [...later...]
Beth: "My magic princess power made the room get bigger!"
Me: "Wow, really?"
Beth: "Yes. I can also use my power to make the room back to its regular size."
: [...later...]
Mom: "Beth, let's use your magic princess power to get on your pajamas!"
Beth: "Oh, magic princess power can't do THAT! Don't be silly, Mommy!"
20 tags
Magic princess power
Beth: [age 3] "Mommy, my magic princess power made that elevator door open."
Mom: "Really? That's cool."
[...later...]
Beth: "My magic princess power made the room get bigger!"
Me: "Wow, really?"
Beth: "Yes. I can also use my power to make the room back to its regular size."
[...later...]
Mom: "Beth, let's use your magic princess power to get on your pajamas!"
Beth: "Oh, magic princess power can't do THAT! Don't be silly, Mommy!"
20 tags
20 tags
That boy
[Scene: Luke, age 7, has been splashing at a swimming pool, and just soaked a little girl about the same age as Beth, age 3, who then goes over to her out of sympathy]
Beth: "I am so sorry about that. It was that boy of ours! He does things like that. Oh that boy of ours!"
15 tags
Acting like a child
Me: "You kids are having so much fun. If only I could be a child again!"
Luke: [age 7] "What are you talking about? You've been acting like a child all day!!!"
23 tags
Songs of the Boy, Part 3
More lyrics from the boy (per this and this).
Punch, punch, punch, it’s the punching of life, that’s what it’s all about.
Hey, hey, bang, bang, I’m sitting on your head, that’s how you know I’m cool.
It makes the butt say butt when the stink says stew, buzz in the booze and the what’s in the butt.
There’s more to this than meets the eye,...
25 tags
24 tags
Praying
[Scene: Beth, age 3, has been reading a child's version of the Bible with her mother]
Mom: "This story talks about Jesus praying for God's help."
Beth: "But I thought Jesus /was/ God."
Mom: "In a way, yes."
Beth: "So... is he just talking to himself?"
25 tags
Playgrounds
Luke: [age 7] "You know my friend [P...] at school? He had this really stupid idea for the playgrounds."
Me: "Oh? I'm guessing you want to tell us about it."
Luke: "Yeah. So, you know how we have two playgrounds, one at each end of the school? At the lower playground, [P...] thinks we should put in a water fountain in the shape of a giant penis. It would be huge, spraying water all around. And there would be lights shining on it so you could still enjoy it at night."
Me: "I'm not sure 'enjoy' is the right word."
Luke: "And the upper playground would have these giant rubber buttcheeks sticking out of the ground that you could bounce on, and a moving platform that you could climb on and ride around, in the shape of a giant piece of poop."
Mom: "Oh please. That is so gross. You are SUCH a seven-year-old boy!"
Luke: "Hey, it was [P...]'s idea!"
Me: "Hmm. Are you sure he thought of this all by himself?"
Luke: "Well... I helped a little!"
28 tags
Monkey and Rat
Beth: [age 3] "I'm not a rat!"
Luke: [age 7] "Yes you are. You're a rat and I'm a monkey!"
Beth: "I AM NOT A RAT! YOU ARE!"
Luke: "No, I'm a monkey. You're the rat."
Beth: "NO I'M NOT!"
Luke: "YES YOU ARE!"
Me: "Be quiet, both of you! Stop arguing about the Chinese calendar!"
Beth: "But Luke says I'm a rat!"
Me: "It's just a horoscope. You are not really a rat. And Luke is not a monkey. You are each a child."
Luke: "Yeah, but she's a /rat/ child!"
Beth: "I AM NOT!"
Me: "STOP!"
23 tags
26 tags
Twinkle twinkle
Beth: [age 3, on Valentine's Day, very academically] "Let's compare these balloons."
Mom: "Why don't you go first?"
Beth: "Okay." [points to a shiny red heart-shaped mylar balloon] "The heart balloon is twinkling."
Mom: "It is?"
Beth: "Yes. We have to sing a twinkle now."
Mom: "How do you sing a twinkle?"
Beth: "Like this: twinkle twinkle!"
Mom: "That's all?"
Beth: "Well... like this: twinkle, twinkle, little heart! Now you sing it."
Mom: "Twinkle, twinkle, little heart!"
Beth: "Good. Now you, Daddy."
Me: "Twinkle, twinkle, little heart!"
Beth: "Good. Very good. Now, let's move on."
Re: That's not crazy
structuredchaos replied to your chat: That’s not crazy
Your kids are absolutely adorable, and crack me up. Thank you for constantly making my day.
:-)
You’re welcome. And yeah they crack me up too. Though I’m a bit nervous about the teen years… the ride could be wild…
23 tags
That's not crazy
Luke: [age 7] "You know, my friend [E...] has like 25 Skylanders figures. His parents buy them for him whenever he wants one. He's beat the whole game by now."
Me: "Wow. That's crazy!"
Luke: "That's not crazy. Crazy would be putting a pair of underwear on your head and strapping a stink-powered jetpack to your butt, and then every time you farted, flying through the air singing 'Smushy, smushy, kiss my tushy!'. THAT would be crazy. But owning 25 Skylanders? That's just cool."
20 tags
Floor jumped up
Me: [rushing into the room] "Are you alright? What happened?!"
Beth: [age 3, crying] "Daddy! I fell off the bed and the floor jumped up and hit me in the face!"
16 tags
Grump button
Me: "Hmm. You seem a little grumpy today."
Beth: [age 3] "No I'm not!"
Me: "Yes, you are. We should find your grump button and turn it off."
Beth: "You'll never find it. It's in another world on another girl who looks just like me but lives far away!"
Re: Fairy princess T-Rex
mywildloves replied to your chat: Fairy princess T-Rex
Your son is very smart! Most kids just accept that dinosaurs look the way theyre portrayed.
Thanks! I’m pretty sure my kids are smarter than me, for sure.
Luke noticed a long time ago that different dinosaur pictures seemed to show the same dinosaur (e.g. T-rex) with different skins, and we made it clear that nobody knows what the...
17 tags
26 tags
Fairy princess T-Rex
Luke: [age 7] "You know what? Nobody really knows what kind of skin dinosaurs had. They might have had fur. Big poofy fur."
Mom: "Or tight curly hair like a poodle."
Luke: "Oh yeah. And pink. Imagine a T-Rex with fuzzy pink poodle hair. In a dress. With a crown and a magic wand. Look at me! I'm the fairy princess T-Rex!"
20 tags
Funeral
Luke: [age 7] "Where did you guys go yesterday?"
Grandpa: "We had to go to a funeral."
Luke: "You mean, where somebody died?"
Grandpa: "He died last week. This was just a service for him. His body was in the casket at the front of the church."
Luke: "What's a casket?"
Grandpa: "Like a coffin. But it's got a lid on it that they open up during the service."
Luke: "Why do they do that? Do they want to make sure the guy is dead?"
22 tags
Check your sources
Beth: [age 3] "Daddy, Illinois is in New York."
Me: "Um, no, sweetheart. Illinois is not in New York. Illinois is its own state."
Beth: "No, it's not. Illinois is in New York!"
Me: "I'm sorry, but they are two different states. I should know: I was born in one and your grandmother was born in the other."
Beth: "I think you're making it up, Daddy. Maybe you should check your sources!"
21 tags
Compound words
[Scene: Luke, age 7, is doing homework involving compound words]
Me: "All right. You've filled in all these words from the clues. Now you have to write a list of compound words that you think of by yourself. Can you think of some?"
Luke: "Fartblossom!"
Me: "Hmm. I think that is technically two words."
Luke: "Okay, how about: buttcheeks!"
Me: "That might be two words, but I don't know. I've seen it as one word before."
Luke: "Should I write it down?"
Me: "Sure."
Luke: "Seriously? I don't think my teacher would find that appropriate."
Me: "You're probably right."
Luke: "I don't think Mom would find it appropriate, either."
Me: "You're probably right about that, too."
Luke: "I should just stick to words that are appropriate. Like 'snowshoes'."
Me: "Right again."
Luke: "You know, Dad, you're not being very helpful."
20 tags
The Super Bowl
Me: "Let's watch the Super Bowl."
Luke: [age 7] "Nah. I'm not really interested. I like playing football, but not watching it."
Me: "What? I thought you were rooting for the Patriots."
Luke: "Yeah, but not enough to watch the game."
24 tags
21 tags
Smells
Beth: [age 3, upon entering a bathroom] "Ewww, Daddy! It stinks in here. It smells like boy germs!"
22 tags
Butt angel
[Scene: Luke, age 7, and I are outside in the snow]
Me: "What are you doing?"
Luke: "I'm making snow angels."
Me: "Don't you have to lie down for that?"
Luke: "Well, yeah, it's like a snow angel, except you don't lie down. You stay sitting up. That way the head of the angel is your butt.
Me: "Hmm. That's different."
Luke: "It's a new kind of snow angel. I call it a butt angel. Pretty soon everyone will be doing it."
24 tags
Be the caterpillars
Beth: [age 3] "Let's go for a walk in the woods."
Me: "Sure, that sounds like fun!"
Beth: "We can go look at all the caterpillars and butterflies."
Me: "Sweetheart, it's wintertime. There is a lot of snow on the ground. The caterpillars and butterflies won't be back until next spring and summer."
Beth: "Then we'll have to go into the woods and /be/ the caterpillars and butterflies. You and me! Come on!"
18 tags
