Oh blocks, I love you so much
[Scene: Beth, age 3, is playing with Lego blocks]
Beth: "Here." [hands me unidentifiable assembly of blocks]
Me: "Thank you." [studies it] "What is it?"
Beth: "It's for singing."
Beth: "Yes, for singing! Like this, Daddy: 'Oh blocks, you're so wonderful. Oh blocks, I love you so much I could even kiss you.' Now you make up your own song."
Doesn't take anything seriously
Luke: [age 7] "I tried talking to [another 7-year-old boy] about God and stuff."
Me: "Really? At school?"
Luke: "No, on the bus on the way home. I asked him about God and about good and bad. Like, what are you supposed to do with your life? Is God real or just a fairytale?"
Me: "Wow, that's pretty cool. What did he say?"
Luke: "He didn't really say anything. He just laughed about most of it. I think he's the kind of person who doesn't take anything seriously except jokes."
Fights in the bathroom
Luke: [age 7, after watching the movie Cars 2] "You know what's weird about that movie? The bathroom scene. The bad guys had a fight with that good guy in the bathroom. I mean, who fights in the bathroom? I think that's pretty strange."
Luke: [age 7, holding a piece of paper] "Look at this."
Me: "What is it?"
Luke: "That's how you spell my name."
Me: "Hmm. It looks like a bunch of squiggles."
Luke: "It's in my new language, Zing-Zang. Nobody else knows it."
Me: "If nobody else knows Zing-Zang, how do you know you're spelling it correctly?"
Luke: [shrugs] "I just make it up as I go."
Luke: [age 7] "You know what? I think this is GRAWESOME!"
Me: "Grawesome? What's that?"
Luke: "It's GROSS and it's AWESOME all at the same time!"
It's a secret
Beth: [age 3] "Daddy, I need you to give me some money."
Me: "Oh? Why do you need money?"
Beth: "It's a secret. I can't tell you."
Me: "Hmm. Well, I don't think I can give you any money unless you tell me why you need it."
Beth: "I'm going to buy you a new ladder for Christmas. But don't tell anyone, it's a secret."
Me: "Okay. I won't tell anyone."
Beth: "Can I have the money now?"
Luke: [age 7] "Dad... just look. Isn’t there so much beauty in ice and snow?"
Santa: just a nice story
[Note: this was originally posted two years ago, before I started sharing these stories publicly; Luke was 5 at the time, and had just gotten off the bus]
Me: “How was school?”
Me: “What did you do?”
Luke: “I almost punched somebody.”
Luke: “Well, /she/ kept saying that Santa came down her chimney with presents, and /I/ said that Santa was just a nice story. I got so angry, I wanted to punch her.”
Me: “But you didn’t?”
Me: “Good for you, buddy.” [pause] “Who was it?”
Luke: “Aaron’s mom.”
Number 6? Seriously? THANK YOU! →
I am impressed with y’all. Thanks for voting us up to #6 on Babble.com’s Top Daddy Blogs chart. There are some great blogs up there, and I’ve voted for some of them (possibly to the detriment of my own ranking!) so I’m in good company on the list. Warm fuzzy hugs to you all!
Luke: [age 7] "I know Halloween was a couple of weeks ago, but how about we put our costumes back on and go trick-or-treating again?"
Beat me at skateboarding
[Scene: Luke, age 7, and Beth, age 3, are taking turns playing Wii video games]
Mom: "Hey Luke, Beth just beat your high score on the skateboarding game."
Luke: "WHAT?!" [falls to the floor in hysterics] "Oh man. A girl half my age beat me at skateboarding! A GIRL!!! There goes my reputation!!!"
The Dead 55s
Luke: [age 7, listening to music] "This sounds a little like the Dead 55s."
Me: "The what?"
Luke: "The Dead 55s. It's a band. I heard them at school."
Me: "Your elementary school had a concert from a group called the Dead 55s?"
Luke: "No. My teacher turned on the stereo in my classroom but she had the wrong CD in it and it started playing some music. She stopped it right away and put in the CD about the Pilgrims. She said the other CD was called the Dead 55s. Do you ever listen to them?"
Me: "Uh... I've never heard of the Dead 55s. Do you mean the song was called Dead Presidents?"
Luke: "No, it had the number 55 in it."
Me: "Maybe the B-52s?"
Luke: "Yeah! That was it: the B-52s."
Me: "Okay. That makes a little more sense. I had a hard time imagining Mrs. [L...] listening to Dead Presidents."
Luke: "But wouldn't The Dead 55s still be cool name for a band?"
All the minutes
Me: "It's time to get out of the bathtub. I gave you an extra five minutes."
Beth: [age 3, splashing around] "But I want MORE minutes."
Me: "How many minutes? One more? Five more?"
Beth: "I want ALL the minutes, Daddy. ALL OF THEM!"
Special security checkpoint
[Scene: as I'm entering the house, Luke, age 7, is standing just inside the doorway, holding a stick]
Luke: "Stop right there! Special security checkpoint!"
Luke: "This is a security checkpoint. You must stop!"
Me: [stands still] "Okay. What should I do?"
Luke: "Just stand right there." [passes stick up and down my body as if it's a metal detector wand] "Turn around." [passes stick up and down my back]
Me: "Everything okay, officer?"
Luke: "Everything except one thing. You need a special security spanking." [whacks me on the butt with the stick] "Okay. You may proceed!"
Thank you for all the up-votes on Babble’s Top 50 Daddy Blogs. We’re at #10 (up from #21 yesterday). That’s pretty cool. Keep voting!
Nomination to the Babble list?
It appears this blog has been nominated for Babble.com’s Top Daddy Blogs list. As of this writing, we’re at #21. This seems a little premature to me, particularly since I don’t think of And I’m the Dad as a “daddy blog” in the sense of long-form parenting commentary or advice, but hey, it’s flattering and cool. So go vote us up, please! And while...
[The following story was dictated by Beth, age 3, to her grandmother] Strawberry sees a lion, and the lion says, “ROAR!” Strawberry says, “Get out of my way, Lion!” The lion doesn’t listen to Strawberry. So Strawberry walks away to her home, and the lion walks away to his home in the woods. The next day, Strawberry tells her brother about the lion. They decide...
Time to dance
Luke: [age 7] "Listen to this!" [passes gas in a rhythm]
Me: "That's disgusting. What do you say?"
Luke: [begins to shimmy across the floor] "I say, it's time to dance! I'm gonna TOOT A RUMBA!"
Beth: [age 3, clasping hands together] "Dear Jesus. Please make Grandpa stop bothering me. Amen!"
Better than Tigerpoop!
Luke: [age 7] "Are there any numbers past a googol?"
Me: "Yeah, we just talked about that."
Luke: "No, I mean... there's millions, billions, trillions, googol... are there any numbers with *names* past a googol?"
Me: "Oh. That's a good question. I don't know."
Luke: "I'd like to have the job of naming the big numbers. They would all be cool names, like Dragon Sphinx. Or Tigers at Twilight."
Me: "Those are pretty cool names. Imagine saying, 'That's a Dragon Sphinx plus one!' But usually numbers only have one word for names."
Luke: "Well, then just put one of this little line things..." [swipes finger in the air]
Me: "A dash?"
Luke: "Yeah, a dash. Dragon-sphinx! Tigers-at-twilight! Or we could shorten it. Dragonclaw. Tigertoot. Like that."
Luke: "It's better than Tigerpoop!"
Past a googol?
Luke: [age 7] "Are there any numbers past a googol?"
Me: "Sure. What do you get when you add one to a googol?"
Luke: "A googol and one?"
Me: "Right. And you can add another one, and another, and so on. Math keeps going forever."
Luke: "There's no end to it? I just have to keep counting?"
Luke: "But I can stop when I'm tired, right?"
Skyscraper power supply
[Scene: Luke, age 7, has been particularly energetic one evening]
Me: "I wish I had half your energy tonight. Where do you get it?"
Luke: "Well, it's supposed to be a secret, but down in New York City I have a 500-story skyscraper power generator."
Me: "That sounds pretty cool."
Luke: "Whenever it breaks, then I run out of energy a lot faster, and you can tell because I have a bad day. But it's too bad you can't use my energy to run the house."
Me: "Yeah, that would save me a lot of money."
Luke: "You could use some energy yourself, Dad."
Luke: [age 7] "You know what creepy is? It's like you had two blankets, one called 'scary' and one called 'weird,' and you sewed them together into one blanket. That one would be called 'creepy'. Especially if you slept in it."
[Scene: Beth, age 3, has just eaten a particulary messy meal]
Mom: "Now, just sit there until I get a damp washcloth to wipe off your arms."
Mom: "Because your arms are sticky."
Beth: "Oh no they're not. I licked them all off!"
Hope that the words make sense
Luke: [age 7, explaining lyrics to his 3-year-old sister] "Sometimes, with rock music, there's no point in trying to figure out the words. You can't understand them anyway. Either they're talking too fast or the guitar is too loud or something. Just enjoy the music and hope that the words make sense."