electradaddy replied to your post: Narcotics. FYI, I now have a bottle of vicodine… thank you, doctor.
electradaddy replied to your post: HMOG. A man my age does not fall off a… Ouch. I hope you’re ok. At my age bones break too easily for me to risk such activities. I don’t think I broke anything. I was wearing protective gear, and without it I almost certainly would have broken my arm, but instead I pushed my shoulder into an unnatural position while driving my elbow pad into...
I think you forgot how much it hurts to hurt.– my wife, in response to my comment that I knew skateboarding was going to hurt now and then, but…
H.M.O.G. A man my age does not fall off a skateboard lightly.
Beth: [age 4] "Let's play a game."
Me: "Okay. What do you want to play?"
Beth: "Let's play that aliens are attacking us. And we're tigers who have to fight them. And I'm your sidekick."
Me: "That sounds cool. Do we have names?"
Beth: "Yes! Your name is Azore."
Me: "Azore... that sounds cool. So what's your name?"
Me: "Scratchypants? My sidekick's name is Scratchypants?"
Beth: "If this is going to be a problem, then maybe you should find a new sidekick."
electradaddy replied to your link: More U.S. Children Being Diagnosed With Youthful Tendency Disord I wanted to name one of my twins “Chicken-Butt” but DynaPapa wouldn’t let me. Obviously DynaPapa doesn’t have the same foresight and vision that you do!
Beth: [age 4, holding up a book] "Let's read another book. This one is really funny."
Me: "No, not right now."
Beth: "Just one more!"
Me: "You said that before the last book."
Beth: "But this time I really mean it. PLEASE?"
Me: "No, I need a break."
Beth: "Just one book!"
Me: "I read you five books in a row. Let's take a break."
Beth: [slyly] "If you don't read me another book, Mom is going to be mad at you."
Me: "No, she won't."
Beth: "Oh yes she will. I'm going to tell her all about it and she's going to be mad at you."
Me: "I doubt it."
Beth: "You're gonna be in trouble, mister!"
Me: "I'm not reading you another book right now. That's it. Stop asking."
Beth: "I'm just trying to help you stay out of trouble."
Me: "Clever, but no. We can sit and talk, or we can go play on the piano, or we can go outside. You decide."
Beth: [hopefully] "Read a book?"
Beth: [patting my arm] "Oh Daddy. Don't say I didn't warn you."
More U.S. Children Being Diagnosed With Youthful... →
Free Tee Friday!
threadless: This week’s Free Tee Friday is brought to you by the great city of Monstropolis! Reblog this post for a chance to win any of our new Monsters Inc. tees in your size. Don’t worry, we told Roz there wouldn’t be any paperwork involved! And if I win, I’m getting one of these for myself. Forget the kids.
THIS! THIS RIGHT HERE! This is the last piece of french toast alive on earth,...– Beth, age 4, while holding a bite of french toast on the end of her fork above her head like a champion’s Olympic torch. She then devoured it and began cackling maniacally.
electradaddy replied to your video: Not everyone will appreciate this, but these kids… I thought it was cool. So did I, but I got some “huh?” responses from people i originally shared it with. Musical heathens, I guess.
punkdad: Reblog this if you are a DAD blog and want other dads (or moms) to follow. There are more of us than you think. Dad bloggers, untie! Damned dyslexia. I mean: unite!
iloverockandroll1977 replied to your post: Songs of the Girl, Part 3 Your posts usually make my day. I just woke my kid up laughing at “Sherpa Wool” Yeah, I find them pretty amusing myself, hearing them live. Some day I will have to post an audio recording, because they make up a melody at the same time. (usually it’s terrible) And sorry about waking up your kid. Please...
Songs of the Girl, Part 3
If you have followed this blog for any period of time, you know my kids improvise songs quite regularly, especially when they are alone. Especially on the toilet. And especially quite loudly. I haven’t been writing down the lyrics as much as I’d like, but here is the latest set from Beth, age 4: Rayco the pet acorn, He’s my cute pet acorn, He came down from the leaves To be with...
Reminder: Mother's Day 2013 is almost here!
Like I did last year — and almost verbatim — let me remind you that Mother’s Day is this Sunday. Do something nice for your own mother, or the mother of your kids (even if that’s you), or pretty much any other mother you know. Being a parent is seriously hard work, and in much of the world, moms carry most of the parenting load. Chocolate? Maybe. Flowers? Not a bad idea....
For parents who pay more attention to their...
Huggies introduces a TweetPee device, which looks to be a little bird that your kids pee on. And then it tweets. Is this for real? I’m all for finding cool new uses for modern technology, but this seems rather ridiculous. What do you think? (via)
More About Sex
[Scene: I have disabled internet access on his iPod Touch, but Luke, age 8, still has plenty of apps. One of them is the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, which I was using to look up a word...]
Me: "Hey Luke? What are all these words under 'recent searches'?"
Luke: "What do you mean?"
Me: "Well, there's 'sex' and 'sex act' and 'sex symbol'... looks like a couple of dozen words related to sex."
Luke: [acting alarmed] "I don't know! I didn't look those up!"
Me: "Hmmm... except for me once in awhile, you're the only one who uses this."
Luke: "I didn't do it! It wasn't me! I think s-e-x is disgusting!"
Me: [puts down the device] "Look. You're not in trouble. I just want you to know that if you ever have any questions about sex, you can talk to me or Mom, okay? The only way you will get in trouble right now is if you lie to me, and then you'll only be in trouble for lying, not for using a dictionary."
Luke: "But why are all those words in the dictionary? They're gross!"
Me: "It's a dictionary. Its job is to explain what words mean, and all those are real words that people use."
Luke: [taking a deep breath] "Okay. I did read all those words. But none of them explained anything I wanted."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Luke: "I was reading all those definitions because I was hoping one of them would explain why the whole world is so interested in sex! I don't understand it! Sex is gross! And kids at school are always talking about sex even though they totally don't understand it. And there's magazine covers and people having sex in movies and all of it. But none of the definitions said anything about WHY people like sex! It's all about HOW and WHAT and stuff."
Me: "Well... the simple answer is that our brains change as you get older and you find sex more interesting."
Luke: "My brain is going to change?"
Me: "Yeah. Lots of things change in your body as you get older, including your brain."
Luke: "And then it will make sense to me why everyone is interested in sex?"
Luke: "Does this happen to girls too?"
Luke: "So is it one of those things that doesn't make any sense from the outside, but once you're in it, it makes a lot of sense?"
Me: "I won't promise you that it will always makes sense, but it will make a lot more sense, I think."
Luke: "Man, life is weird."
It’s not a weed, it’s just wild. Sometimes flowers need to be wild,...– Beth, age 4, trying to convince me to not pull up a dandelion
[Scene: I'm running to the next room because I hear screaming from both children]
Me: "What's wrong?! What's going on?"
Beth: [age 4] "Nothing. We're just practicing screaming in terror."
Luke: [age 8] "We're screaming in terror! You never know when you might need to, so we're practicing."
[they begin screaming again]
Me: "STOP! So, you're all right? There's nothing wrong?"
Luke: "We're fine! Just screaming. Maybe you should try it!"
Me: "Don't tempt me."
Things that Beth, my 4-year-old, said while we were walking through the woods: “Hold this stick. Don’t break it. It’s a riddle stick. Inside this stick are all the answers to all the riddles in the whole universe.” “Quick, hide behind this tree. The sunbeams are trying to find us because they think I was trying to steal their sparkles.” “Do you think an...
Sometimes, there are questions with no answers, but you have to ask them anyway.– Beth, age 4
A Daddy's Letter to His Little Girl (About Her... →
lettersforharper: I really loved this letter because it is so true. And it’s relevant not only as future advice to little girls, but it is present advice to big girls. I hope I can convey these messages to Harper as she grows. Totally agreed. “Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to ‘keep him interested’ … your only task is to know deeply...
Luke: [age 8] "There's the girl next door."
Luke: "See? Over there by the dog?"
Me: "Yeah, she lives next door, but she's older than your grandmother."
Luke: [shrugs] "So she's an old girl!"
Beth: [age 4] "I think you're trying to trick me."
Luke: [age 8] "Me? Why would I try to trick you?"
Beth: "Because you're Luke."
Luke: "I'm your brother! I would never try to trick you."
Beth: "Oh yes you would."
Luke: "Have I ever tried to trick you before?"
Beth: "Yes. A lot."
Luke: "I can't believe you are telling me this. This really hurts my feelings."
Beth: "I'm just telling the truth."
Luke: "I can't believe you don't trust me. Mom, did your brother ever try to trick you when you were kids?"
Mom: "Yes, all the time."
Luke: "YOU ARE NOT HELPING."
Beth: "You're a tricky one, mister!"
My 8-year-old wants to learn skateboarding. More importantly, he wants me to do it with him. I haven’t touched a skateboard in 20+ years. This is going to hurt.
[Scene: I overhear Luke, age 8, in the next room talking with his sister Beth, age 4]
Luke: "Everybody on Earth is crazy."
Beth: "Me and you are not crazy."
Luke: "Yes we are. Everybody is."
Beth: "Are snakes crazy?"
Luke: "Are snakes people? No. Only people are crazy."
Beth: "What about rabbits or chickens?"
Luke: "Maybe a little."
Beth: "Well, I'm not crazy."
Luke: "Yes you are. So am I. And especially Dad."
Beth: "Oh yeah, he's really crazy."
[Scene: Luke, age 8, is sitting next to Beth, age 4, who is wearing a bandage around the wrist she sprained a day earlier]
Luke: "I guess I should take it easy on you, because you hurt your hand."
Beth: "I didn't hurt MY FIGHTING HAND!" [punches Luke in the stomach with her good hand]
Well, look at that. The Tumblr Backup app stopped working for me recently, because it is officially no longer supported by Tumblr. There was no announcement, but Tumblr’s tech support has confirmed it via e-mail. There is presently no other backup solution offered by Tumblr. They have nothing like Facebook’s feature that lets you download a massive archive of everything. For now,...
Mom: "I told you before: if you did that again, you were losing your doll for the rest of the day."
Beth: [age 4, with great drama] "Oh, is THAT what you meant? Now I understand! This was all just a big misunderstanding. I am so, so, SO sorry. I promise I will NOT do it again! Never! I had no idea I was doing something wrong!" [pause] "Please let me keep the doll?"
Me: "When I go to work this morning, you're going to hang out with Grandpa."
Beth: [age 4] "Oh man."
Me: [innocently] "Yes, Grandpa is a man."
Beth: "That's not the kind of man I mean."
Me: "What do you mean? A short man? Tall man? Skinny man? Superman?"
Beth: [giggling] "No, I mean 'oh man'!"
Me: "Oman? That's a country in the Middle East. You've never been there."
Beth: "No. I mean OH! MAN!"
Me: "O-Man? I get it now. Like L-Man, M-Man, N-Man, O-Man! The Alphabet Men!"
Beth: "That is not what I mean!"
Me: [singing] "A-B-C-D-E-F-G, H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-Man!"
Beth: "I DO NOT MEAN THAT AT ALL! Daddy, you are weird and silly!"
Me: "Yes, that's true."
Beth: "Let's have this conversation all over again! ... Oh man."
Me: "Yes, Grandpa is a man."
[repeat from the beginning, almost verbatim... five times]
My mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find...– Mr. Rogers Yes, I know this isn’t about my kids, but maybe it’s one thing I would like to teach them about dealing with events like yesterday’s Boston marathon bombings.
It sounds like fun to be a movie actor. Except for the kissing parts. I don’t...– Luke, age 8
[Scene: Beth, age 4, is taking a bath with two toys -- a mermaid and a dinosaur]
Beth: [holding up dinosaur] "Daddy, make the dinosaur talk to me."
Me: "Okay." [prepares to use gravelly voice]
Beth: "Hello Amy!"
Me: "'Amy'? The dinosaur is a girl?"
Beth: "Of COURSE, Daddy."
Dinosaur: "What's your name, little girl?"
Beth: "My name is Beth! How are you today?"
Dinosaur: "I'm feeling a little hungry. Do you have anything to eat? How about the mermaid?"
Beth: "No, you don't want to eat the mermaid. She's a toy! She will just taste like plastic."
Dinosaur: "How about a small child? You might be yummy."
Beth: "Amy, you can't eat me. I am your owner. Toys never eat their owners. Even if they are hungry toy dinosaurs."
Dinosaur: "Hmm. Well, what am I supposed to eat? The soap? This washcloth?"
Beth: "You could eat my brother. I wouldn't miss him at all."
Don’t touch a woman’s sword unless you are prepared to fight!– Beth, age 4, while examining her new Nerf sword
I’m thinking something about this, but I’m not going to say it out...– Luke, age 8
The Child, the Tablet and the Developing Mind →
Interesting article from the New York Times. A report published last week by the Millennium Cohort Study, a long-term study group in Britain that has been following 19,000 children born in 2000 and 2001, found that those who watched more than three hours of television, videos or DVDs a day had a higher chance of conduct problems, emotional symptoms and relationship problems by the time they were...
Oh, that’s not my daddy. That’s just some guy who drove me here.– Beth, age 4, talking about me with her gymnastics instructor. Gee thanks, kid.
I don’t think I can stop talking. Even when the rest of me is tired, my...– Luke, age 8, in response to being asked to please stop the incessant talking for a few minutes because we were all tired from a crazy day
I don’t want to stop. You don’t understand. This is just too much...– Beth, age 4, playing in a mud puddle while wearing nice clothes
While waiting for the bus, Luke — now 8 years old and in third grade — mentioned that a kid at his school was constantly “humping” things. I asked if he knew what it meant. He knew it had something to do with sex, which I confirmed. This kid also talked about “teabagging,” and Luke didn’t know what that was. I told him it also had to do with sex but I...