As seen on Mashable · Yummy Mummy Club · Laughing Squid · Amy Poehler's Smart Girls · Design Taxi and more.
Luke: [age 9] "Don't do that or I'll take you to court!"
Beth: [age 5] "What's court?"
Luke: "You don't know? A court is where you go when you do something wrong. It's a big room, and there are cops, and all these people sitting around, and there's one guy who sits up front on a kind of stage, and he has a really big hammer."
Beth: "What does he do with the hammer? Does he hit you in the head?"
Luke: "It depends on how bad you were."

I liked this video, partially because of the content (though I bet you’ll know where it is going pretty quickly) and partially because of the marketing stunt.

It misses a certain large percentage of the current job holders (you will know what I mean by the end) but still a good video.

Songs of the Boy, Part XI

Hard to believe this blog recently passed its third anniversary.

Those of you who have been here awhile have read how my kids improvise songs, loudly, usually in the bathroom. I first posted about this in December 2011.  The posts have tapered off, though the singing has not; merely, I haven’t had the time to write down as much of the lyrics as I used to. 

But, here’s a few that Luke belted out recently…

  • When your butt feels weird / you should probably take a shower. / It’s the only way to be sure.
     
  • The magic of Macy’s / is that when you walk out the door / your wallet is magically empty of money.
     
  • Do you know / how to get to the moon? / Let me turn around / and I’ll show you.
     
  • You can’t make me stop / la la la la la / and you can’t send me to my room / because i’m on the toilet! / la la la la la

Previous record of Luke’s musical mad skillz can be found here: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10.

From Beth: 1, 2, 3, and this Thanksgiving thing. And this.

Responses to “Put the tech down”

Thanks, everyone, for all the feedback on Put the tech down and nobody will get hurt.  I wanted to respond to a few specific responses.

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Put the tech down and nobody will get hurt.

My 5-year-old played indoor sports this winter, because it is difficult to play basketball outdoors while you’re wearing snowshoes, and you could’t play it outdoors any other way, not this past February in the American Northeast.

For her last game, we arrived at the gym, and I sent her off to her team bench with her little pink water bottle. I sat on the sidelines. Few 5-year-olds have any sense of zone defense, or point defense, or defense at all. Or passing. Or shooting in the right direction. But that’s okay. They were getting exercise and having fun. My goal as a parent was to watch my daughter play, give a cheer when she (or her team, or really any kid) did something right, wave whenever she looked my way, and so on.

A mother arrived and sat next to me on the bench. Almost as soon as the game began, she took out an iPad, held it up in front her face, and started recording video. I gathered from her banter that she intended to record the entire game. The iPad swayed back and forth as woman and gadget tracked their child up and down the court.

All went swimmingly for the first fifteen minutes. Then, the iPad gave an error and stopped recording.  It had run out of storage space. The mother grumbled and spent several minutes deleting photos and apps off of the device. She started recording again, only to run out of space again about five minutes later. For the remainder of the game, she would record a few minutes, run out of space, delete stuff, and then repeat the cycle.  Through it all, she grew more and more irritated at the iPad, as if the device had willfully chosen to ruin her day by not warping time and space to increase its internal storage capacity.

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Beth: [age 5] "I want to make a picture of the Easter Bunny hatching out of an Easter egg."
Me: "Oh? Is that how the Easter Bunny was born?"
Beth: "Yes!"
Me: "Does this happen every year? Are there lots of Easter Bunnies in the world?"
Beth: "No, just one. He hatched one time."
Me: "When did he hatch? How old is he?"
Beth: "He's six years old."
Me: "Wow, only six? How did we celebrate Easter before he was born?"
Beth: [shrugging] "I guess you had to buy your own candy for yourself."
[Scene: Beth, age 5, has decided we should improvise how we play Rock Paper Scissors...]
Together: [counting down] "Rock, paper, scissors..."
Beth: "Arrow!" [makes pointy shape]
Me: "Butterfly!" [makes butterfly with hands and flaps wings]
Beth: "The arrow wins!"
Me: "No, the butterfly can fly out of the way."
Beth: "The arrow will find it and kill it."
Me: "Really? Have /you/ ever shot a butterfly with an arrow?"
Beth: "Yes."
Me: "Oh."
Beth: "One point for me. Okay, again!"
Together: [counting down] "Rock, paper, scissors..."
Me: "Shield!" [hold hand vertically]
Beth: "Gun!" [makes gun shape] "The bullets shoot your shield."
Me: "But the shield is bulletproof. So I win."
Beth: "Fine, you can have that point. Let's play again!"
Together: [counting down] "Rock, paper, scissors..."
Me: "Spider!" [makes a crawling motion with hand]
Beth: "Bowl!" [cups her hands]
Me: "The spider can crawl all over the bowl, so I win."
Beth: "No, the bowl can be put over the spider to trap it, so I win."
Me: "Oh fine."
Beth: "Okay, again!"
Together: [counting down] "Rock, paper, scissors..."
Me: "Rock!" [makes fist]
Beth: "Bunny!" [makes two-eared rabbit with hand and bounces around]
Me: "I think the rock wins."
Luke: [age 9, chiming in] "Yeah, if you put a rock in a slingshot and shot it at a bunny, I think the bunny would be dead."
Beth: "That's true."
Me: "If you put a bunny in a slingshot and shot it at a rock, the bunny would still be dead."
Beth: "And that would be silly!"
Me: "So, no matter what, the rock wins."
Beth: "Oh fine, you can have that point. Now: again!"
Together: [counting down] "Rock, paper, scissors..."
Wife: "This year, I think everyone should go out for Easter dinner, and then we'll come back here for cards and cocktails."
Luke: [age 9] "What?"
Wife: "Cards and cocktails. Like we did at Thanksgiving."
Luke: "Carcass cocktails? What in the world are carcass cocktails?"
Wife: "I said: CARDS. AND. COCKTAILS."
Luke: "Oh. For a moment I thought you said something really disgusting. I know martinis have strange names, but that's just gross."
Wife: "Slow down, the light is turning red."
Me: "I know."
Wife: [a moment later, apologetically] "I'm sorry. You know how uptight I get when we drive at night in the rain."
Me: "I know."
Wife: "Especially when I'm not the one driving."
Me: "I know."
Wife: "You're handling this pretty well."
Me: "I know."
Wife: "Well, you don't have to be cocky about it."
Me: "I know."
Wife: "Don't be a jerk."
Me: "See that? I'm in trouble and all I've said for the last five minutes is two words!"
Wife: "I know."
“People say they respect God. But respecting, believing, and knowing are three different things!”

Luke, age 9

POSTED: April 4, 2014 @ 6:30am  |   URL   |  SHARE: