As seen on Mashable · Yummy Mummy Club · Laughing Squid · Amy Poehler's Smart Girls · Design Taxi and more.
[Scene: we recently had to deal with lice that the kids picked up at camp, and Luke, age 9, is playing with a hat that may have had nits on it...]
Me: "Hey, put that down. It hasn't been washed yet."
Luke: [throws it down] "Oh man. Do I have lice on my pants now?"
Me: "Probably not, but let's not risk it."
Beth: [age 6] "Is that better than having /ice/ on your pants?"
Me: "Or /rice/ on your pants?"
Luke: "How about /mice/ on your pants?"
Beth: "Mice /in/ your pants!"
Luke: "Maybe I have /Moses/ in my pants!"
Me: "You have a Bible in your pocket?"
Luke: [begins swaggering around the room] "It's in my butt! I can preach the Gospel from both ends!" [wiggles his bottom]
Me: "I don't think the pastor would find this as funny as we do."
Luke: "PRAISE THE LORD AND PASS THE TOILET PAPER!"
Luke: [age 9, getting out Nerf swords] "Let's swordfight."
Beth: [age 6] "I told you last time that I wasn't going to swordfight with you ever again."
Luke: "Why not?"
Beth: "Because you cheat! You always cheat."
Luke: [solemnly] "I promise not to cheat."
Beth: "Really?"
Luke: "Yes."
Beth: "Really truly really?"
Luke: "Yes."
Beth: [long pause] "Okay. But if you /do/ cheat this time, it really will be the last time, for ever and ever. And that's the truth!"
“I don’t know which of the Greek gods I like the best. They’re all jerks! The only one who’s not a jerk is Athena. It’s almost like it’s her special power… It’s pretty sad that you need a special power to not be a jerk.”

"Luke, age 9, discussing characters in the Percy Jackson series

[Scene: as I was folding laundry, I overheard Luke, age 9, and Beth, age 6, talking down the hall...]
Luke: "Hey, don't come in my room!"
Beth: "Why not?"
Luke: "There's a sign on my door. It says, 'NO GIRLS'!"
Beth: [scoffing] "That?! That's just a piece of cardboard. It's almost not even a real sign. I think I can ignore it."
Luke: "Don't come in my room."
Beth: "Oh, I'm coming in. But I promise to do no harm." [enters room]
Luke: "GET. OUT. OF. MY. ROOM."
Beth: "Oh fine. But you could be nicer about it, you know?"

I finally uploaded the last batch of this past year’s lunchnotes. There are 3-4 weeks of daily postings in the queue.  I noticed a few the pics are not quite in focus, but I don’t have time to retake.

I also added Brent Almond’s Superlunchnotes to the list of dad lunchnote bloggers. He does fantastic illustrated napkins for his son (and occasionally, fruit). Brent also blogs about fatherhood over at Designer Daddy, and he’s worth checking out.

“I’ve got an idea for something, but I don’t know what to call it. Maybe a Body Pillow Suit? I don’t know. It’s a giant pillow that you wear, full body, that covers everything but your face. The ‘Classic Igloo’ version would be kind of a big soft stuffy ball around you. There could be other versions, like waterproof ones, or heated ones. You’d kind of look like the Michelin Man, but you would always have a comfortable place to sit or lie down. Did you get tired? Lie down; you’re wearing your mattress already.”

Luke, age 9

“We must be tired. We look like a box of dead batteries.”

Luke, age 9, remarking on our state after a weary day

POSTED: July 8, 2014 @ 8:22am  |   URL   |  SHARE:
Beth: [age 6] "You have to vote for my next song."
Me: "Okay. What are my choices?"
Beth: "You can vote for a beauty song or a silly sing."
Me: "Can I have a silly beauty song?"
Beth: [sternly] "Daddy, stick with the choices I'm giving you!"
POSTED: July 6, 2014 @ 8:17am  |   URL   |  SHARE:
Beth: [age 6] "I have to tell you a story."
Me: "Okay. What's it about?"
Beth: "It's the story of the invisible chicken."
Me: "An invisible chicken?"
Beth: "Yes. A chicken got lost in a science building, and there was some kind of accident, and the chicken became invisible. And then it went back to its farm."
Me: "How did they know it was there?"
Beth: "Well, they could hear it. And they could see it laying eggs. The egg would just POOF! appear at the farm, but it was really because they couldn't see the chicken. They could also see it eat and poop but never see the actual chicken."
Me: "I guess they couldn't catch the chicken either, right?"
Beth: "Well, the farmer did finally catch the chicken just by grabbing it when it was laying an egg. Then the farmer cooked the chicken, and someone ate the chicken. And that someone was the farmer's wife. And then /she/ became invisible. She was also pregnant then, and her kids were born invisible."
Me: "Wow, that sounds really weird."
Beth: "Yeah, and one of the kids had an invisible touch, so everything he touched became invisible, and he touched a hamster became invisible. Then the hamster touched another hamster and made that one invisible too. Eventually everything alive in the world became invisible. That would be a funny story, don't you think?"
[Scene: at the end of dinner, I hear a noise like meowing...]
Me: "What was that?"
Mom: [embarrassed] "Um, that was me. Excuse me."
Luke: [age 9] "What? What happened?"
Beth: [age 6] "Mom farted like a cat again."
Mom: "At least I didn't fart like a freight train."
Luke: "Oh yeah." [gets up from the table and makes train-like movements around the table, with extra extra butt-wiggling action] "Chugga chugga toot toot! Chugga chugga TOOT TOOT!!"
Mom: "I guess we get after-dinner entertainment tonight."
Luke: "Hey, you started it."